FAILURE.... or is it?

At the beginning of this blog adventure I told you that I would "tell it like it is" and today I'll hold true to that. Life has warts, you know?

So this was the second weigh-in for the Yokota's Biggest Loser YBL event and I'm not nearly as excited as I was for the first one since I've gained almost a half-pound. I can already hear some folks thinking "HA! Failure of the Primal lifestyle... you should eat some whole-grain noodles fattie!" But being the insightful old man that I am I can very easily look back at my food logs and journal entries and see exactly where the problem is.

It's my wife's fault.

Now READ ALL OF THE STUFF BELOW before you start sending the hate mail please.

I blame the bird. Well, maybe not...

My wife is awesome. She's smart, has a good head on her shoulders, has a great sense of humor and is easy on the eyes to top it all off. She has a laugh that simply makes my day when I hear it. Because of her awesomeness she recently got promoted at work and as a result we may have to move this summer after being in Japan only a year. Moving is stressful; moving early sucks rocks. Our last assignment we moved after two years of a three year tour and that was painful enough. This, at the moment, is worse. We have a fantastic church, the kids are happy with their schools, friends and activities and I have yet to get a photo of Mt. Fuji that's worth showing to anyone. I feel like I'm on the express train to Stressville.

Did I mention I happen to be a stress eater? I might have left that part out.

Thank God I have become pretty firmly set in my Primal eating habits. Previously I would have easily packed an additional ten pounds onto my short suffering body under conditions like this (being the grocery shopper can have some negative side effects) but I'm out of the danger zone when it comes to the processed carbs I loved so much i.e. potato chips, french fries and the like.

But there has been some extra cheese hanging around in the fridge. And since I'm the King of Rationalization I said to myself, "Self, cheese doesn't have carbs in it! You should just heat some up on a plate and it won't be nearly as bad as those evil bags of sin you used to eat." So I did. Totally oblivious (OK, I admit I just didn't care) that despite being carb-friendly I could easily plug a thousand extra calories into my body throughout the day. And I did. More than once. sigh 

Because of the YBL weigh-in today I didn't continue on this course. Because of the food logs and journal entries I keep it was very easy to see what happened on such-and-such day AS WELL AS what my food response was to that day. Now, it is super-easy to make an adjustment and since I have a couple of people in my inner-circle of trust that will keep me on track I don't look at this as a failure as much as a lesson that I needed to learn. Emotions can trigger all kinds of ugliness and when combined with a liberal application of rationalization can start me back on the road to fattie land.

You see, our lives are about personal accountability. I made a choice and there were results from that choice. I can't blame my wife, her promotion, the lack of snow in Japan or the fact that I got canvas Nikes in 9th grade and not the cool leather ones. None of that crap is responsible for my actions. I am.

And thus, officially, it is not my wife's fault. Did I mention she's awesome?????

Oh no, THEY found me in Japan, too.

Have you ever noticed that when you strike out on a new direction in your life there are people you interact with that have suddenly become experts in the matter? And more often than not THEY also simultaneously exhibit the most obvious symptoms of stupidity. And to make things worse (as if it were possible) THEY think that the "information" they possess is of the utmost importance to you and you need to know it NOW! We're all blessed with at least one person like that, some of us with more than one and thanks to modern technology THEY don't even have to be on the same continent as you. THEY are everywhere.

I'm not talking about people with awkward social skills that are curious and want to learn more about a situation. You can usually tell those people out by the way they say things and their body language during the conversation. I'm talking about those who like to "stir the pot" or "lob a grenade" and then retreat into their smugness. THEY should have a tattoo on their forehead that says I'M TOXIC!

I must have a personality type that attracts people like this. My wife and I have adopted from China twice and have two of the most incredible girls on the face of the planet as a result (in addition to our three pretty cool "homegrown" boys). But during the adoption process THEY came out of the woodwork.

"You know they limit the children you can have in China."

"You know they kill babies in China."

And my favorite...

"You know they're programmed so when you bring them home they'll eventually go bad."

No kidding, I was actually told that once. In the long months it took to complete the paperwork portion of the adoption I had learned a thing or two about Chinese culture. I read books on the subject, attended Chinese-American social events and talked to people deeply involved in the social workings of the international adoption community so yes, I knew many things about China. But now Fred and Ethel (no offense to the decent Fred and Ethels of the world) have become "experts" on the matter and want to "fill me in so I'll know the truth". Feel free to chuckle and/or sigh at this point.

When you decide to go against Conventional Wisdom by taking control over what you feed your body and begin to grab life by the short hairs THEY WILL COME OUT! People you have never seen eat anything healthier than a frozen burrito will suddenly want to tell you that he notices you're not eating the same thing he is.

"That sure looks fatty. You'll get fat eating that."

"Are you doing that caveman thing? Cavemen died at like 30 years old."

"People who don't eat noodles die soon." Yes, THEY speak all kinds of languages and sometimes require an interpreter to get their point across. Lucky me.

Not the Anti-Christ they're just noodles

So what do you do? Part of me (and sadly a rather large snarky part of me) wants to just tear them apart. I have put a LOT of research into making these changes in my life. A LOT. I didn't wake up in the middle of the night as if I'd had a horrifying dream and screamed my revelation that "NOODLES ARE THE ANTICHRIST!!!!!" I took my training as a former Registered Nurse and actually dug into the claims made by people in their books and on their blogs. Through that process I found out that indeed there is a growing body of research about the Conventional Wisdom of food we all know as "truth" that shows much of what we've been taught isn't necessarily the whole enchilada. But you have to seek it out.

So I've perfected the use of the non-committal head nod. When THEY are learnin' me on something veeeerrrrrrry important about a change I've made in my life I gently nod while throwing in the occasional eyebrow arching or an "Mmmmmhmmmm" to show I'm listening. Often that works. I come out of it looking like the polite gentleman my Momma raised me to be and I end up putting their stupidity in a blog post for all to see. But sometimes THEY send you someone who's a special kind of stupid.

I was standing in line with one of the girls many years ago and this lady behind me was being annoying as hell. Not just to me but to everyone within a 50-foot radius. The line was moving too slow, the prices were too high, can you believe Madonna was wearing THAT at the awards, that kind of crap. It just went on and on and on. She started playing with my child who wanted no part of her so I picked my lovely girl up to hold her but the lady just kept on. As I was holding her THEY peeked around my shoulder and saw that I was obviously not of Asian background (I'm a big hairy Irish-American guy) and blurts out in a rather condescending tone:

"Oh, her mother must be Oriental. What does she look like?"

"I don't know, I never saw her face."

Ah, the sound of silence.