Guac and Plantain Chips

The first time my wife and I went to China one of the members of our travel group asked our guide if we would be served dog since it was prevalent in the region we were in.

"Oh no, they would never waste dog meat on you." she replied. We laughed but understood that they wouldn't go to the trouble of making it for us as we wouldn't be able to "properly appreciate" it.

And so it's kind of a running joke in our house that if I make something that looks quite delish (happens more frequently than you might think) but isn't quite suitable for someone on a non-Primal diet that I'll just say "dog" and she knows that, despite looking super awesome, it contains that "evil saturated fat" that might kill her where she stands. wink wink

And totally unrelated to this is my guacamole recipe that I made to eat with some freshly-fried plantains.

GUACA-HOLY-MOLE

3 avocados
1 lime
1/2 tsp salt (I use Kosher)
1/2 tsp cumin, ground
1/2-1 tsp ground cayenne pepper
1/2 red onion, finely chopped
fresh ground pepper to taste
2-3 Roma tomatoes seeded and diced
3-4 Tbsp chopped cilantro (stems and all)*
2 big garlic cloves, coarsely chopped

* When buying fresh cilantro cut off the thicker stems just below where the majority of the leaves start to appear and discard. Chop the rest of the greens, stem and all, and use them like this. I think you get a much more robust cilantro flavor and you never notice it in a chunky guacamole mix.

Slice open the avocados, remove the seed and scoop them out of the shells into a bowl. Cut your lime in half and use the juice from one half to coat the avocados, roughly chopping them into large pieces while you assemble the rest of your ingredients. Add them in and stir gently breaking the avocado pieces into smaller bite-sized pieces. Using a spatula level the guacamole in your bowl and cover with plastic wrap (touching the surface) to keep air from turning it brown, chill in the fridge so the flavors can marry.

FRIED PLANTAINS

Be sure to wait until your plantains are ripe before cooking. Think of waiting until they look like bananas being softened for banana bread: lots of black on the outside. Otherwise they're ick.

Future ex-plantain chips cooking in macadamia oil

Slice your plantains very thin with the skin ON otherwise you'll bruise the flesh. Then make a small slice in the skin and peel it off. Heat your frying oil of preference (I use macadamia nut oil) in a small pan until hot then place them gently in the pan and cook for 30 seconds, flip over and cook another 30 seconds on that side. Pull them out and drain on a paper towel, then mash them with the back of a wooden spoon to flatten them out a bit. Cook 'em again until they're golden brown! Drain on paper towels and dust with a touch of salt and red pepper.

Serve with a spoonful of your freshly-made guaca-holy-moly and you have a tasty snack! If you don't think you'll finish all the guac off in a day or two you can freeze it to enjoy later. The plantain chips never last so I wouldn't have the faintest idea how to store them, sorry.

UPDATE: Thanks to a very nifty site called PaleoTrack I was able to work out the nutrient breakdown for a serving (1/8 of the prepared amount) of Guaca-holy-moly:

Guaca-holy-moly nutrition info for 1/8 of the prepared amount.

The word of the day....MEATZA!!

Shamelessly stolen from Justin Owings via Pinterest (WHAT?!?!?!? You don't have a Pinterest account???? Ask me for an invite if you need one). It is a crustless pizza perfect for the Primal lifestyle and the biggest bonus is that everyone on my house will eat it so on this night it is a one-meal prep event.

MEATZA crust in the pan

MEATZA CRUST

2 lbs of ground beef
2 eggs
3 tsp salt
1 tsp carroway seeds
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp garlic salt
1 tsp red pepper flakes
1/2 cup Parmesean cheese

pizza toppings
tomato/spaghetti sauce
mozzarella cheese

Preheat your over to 450F. I used my KitchenAid mixer to get the hamburger mixing while I added my eggs and the dry spices. When mixed, spread it on a large baking sheet (12x17), I oiled mine with macadamia nut oil. Push it all the way to the edges and up forming a little lip which will later hold in your sauce. Bake for 10 minutes and drain the liquid when done. It will shrink a good deal but don't sweat it. Switch your over to broil.

Toppings for the MEATZA!

For my toppings I selected green and orange peppers, red onions, chopped garlic, black and green olives, pepperoni and mushrooms.

While the MEATZA crust is cooking I saute the peppers, onions and garlic. I spoon out the sauce on the cooked beef crust then layer on my toppings and finally finish it off with a nice thick layer of the mozzarella cheese. Place the completed MEATZA under the broiler and keep an eye on it, 5-10 minutes depending on your taste. I like mine on the crispy side so it was nearly 10 minutes. Makes 12 slices. ENJOY!

MEATZA going in under the broiler

Completed MEATZA yielding 12 pieces.

Thai Cabbage Rolls

I have the most amazing network of friends from my years of living around the world. I'm sitting here one day hungry for something but not sure what and then it hit me: LARP. It's actually pronounced laap kind of like the sound a sheep makes and it comes from Thailand. We have a bit of property in Wasilla, Alaska that we will build a log home on (if I can ever get my wife to stop getting promoted and retire) and our neighbors are super cool. Dave's an airline pilot and Helen just happens to have grown up as a missionary kid in Thailand where she learned how to cook. Put these situations together and you can guess where it's going. Helen makes the most amazing, flavorful Thai food in the universe and when she combines it with the food available in Alaska you often get unique creations like Thai larp made with moose meat instead of hamburger.

So when I realize that this is what I want I shoot an e-mail to Helen begging for the recipe and asking how much snow they have (because food and snow are both very important to me) and a few minutes later I have the secret in my sweaty little hands. Larp is usually eaten with Thai sticky rice using your hands but I didn't have any, nor do I have my Thai rice steamer thingy anymore but the meat alone was a great comfort. A few weeks later I decided to adapt it to my now-Primal lifestyle (I omitted the roasted rice flour) and my family loved it. So here, written from my computer outside of Tokyo is my adapted Thai larp recipe made possible by my good friends in Alaska.

Thai Cabbage Rolls with Cabbage Salad

THAI CABBAGE ROLLS and CABBAGE SALAD

2 pounds hamburger (for those days when you're all out of moose meat)
4 garlic cloves, chopped
2 tsp. chili powder
2 T. fish sauce
1 lime
4-6 green onions, sliced
1/2 C. fresh cilantro, chopped

2-3 slices fresh ginger

1 cabbage (Napa is my preference but work with what you have)
1 hot red pepper, dried, chopped
pinch each of kosher salt/ fresh cracked black pepper
sesame oil
rice vinegar
slivered almonds

Thai cabbage rolls starting point

Brown your hamburger with the garlic, drain. Add chili powder, fish sauce, cilantro and the white part of your green onions to the hamburger. Squeeze the juice/pulp from your lime over mixture while stirring. I chop and save the green part of the onion for use in other foods or as a garnish.

While your meat is browning pick the outer leaves from your cabbage and wash. I soften mine by putting them in the microwave for 3-5 minutes. Err on the firm side as they'll soften up when you steam them. Now's a good time to get your steaming setup going as well. Place your fresh ginger in the water of your steamer to infuse the cabbage leaves with a bit of flavor.

Cabbage cup before

Hold one cabbage leaf in your hand and place a scoop of the larp in the middle (2-3 spoonfuls is what I used with my leaves) fold the sides of the leaf back over the larp, then roll the tip back towards the stem making a nice little cabbage roll. Place on the steamer pan and when it's full put the rack over the ginger water and cover. Steam anywhere from 5-8 minutes depending on the size/number of rolls. I made 12 of them and had larp leftover to eat the next day at lunch.

 

Completed cabbage roll

For the salad, chop the remainder of your cabbage into very thin slices, the thinner the better, and into a mixing bowl. I buy these little red peppers at the local farmer's market about 1-1/2 inches long. No idea what they're called but they're mildly hot and I usually cut up one into tiny pieces to give a little kick to the otherwise bland cabbage. Add a pinch of salt/pepper to the mix. Sesame oil and rice vinegar to taste (I never measure) and mix. Top with slivered almonds and you're done!

Ready for the steamer

Serves 3-4 or maybe 2 really hungry folks.

Deviled Guac Bombs

So I had this craving for some comfort food on Christmas Eve and after brainstorming a bit I came up with the recipe below.

‎6 hard-boiled eggs, halved w/ yolks removed
2 egg yolks from above
2 avacadoes
1/2 c. thin-sliced red onion
3 tbsp. finely chopped cilantro
2 tsp. fresh lime juice
pinch ground red pepper flakes
dash of hot sauce to taste
sea salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
paprika, cilantro leaves and pimento for garnish

Mash avocado and egg yolks with a fork into chunks, add remainder of ingredients and mix well. Spoon into egg halves, dust with paprika. Fold cilantro leaf in half to place into guac and place pimento into center. Chill until ready. Enjoy!

Leafy Portabello Mashup

Ever heard the term mashup? That;s what happens in music when you combine two songs into one, often from drastically different genres. My fave mashup band of all time is, of course, Rock Sugar. They take 80s pop artists like Paula Abdul and Journey and combine them with Metallica and AC/DC. Sounds crazy, but give 'em a listen.

So what's that go to do with the Reluctant Primalist? Well, I like mashups when they involve recipes, too. Take a part from one, add it to another and BAM! A plate full of fun is now before you. Now there's not a huge amount of  protein in this so you'll might to supplement with a nice Angus filet or the like but it will fill you up for sure. So enjoy a mushroom mashup from me (and take it easy on my recipe writing skills please).


Leafy Portabello Mashup

Everything nice and neat for the camera

2 portabello mushroom caps, burger sized
1 bunch red chard, washed and chopped
1 handful spinach leaves, about 3 cups 
1 medium onion
4 cloves of garlic, coarsely chopped (I like my meals punchy!)
4 strips of bacon, crumbled (I pre-cook mine for quick use)
1/3 cup pine nuts
8 calamatra olives, quartered
1/2 lemon
Bleu cheese, crumbled
olive oil
salt and pepper

Preheat your over to 400F. De-stem your mushroom caps is necessary and coat them liberally with olive oil (they'll soak the oil up) and place upside down on the sheet. Give them a bit of salt and fresh ground pepper to your liking. Cook on the middle rack for about 15-20 minutes.

2 minutes from being done.

Heat up your big old cast iron frying pan to medium-high then add 2 Tbsp. of olive oil. Toss in the onions and garlic. When they start getting brown reduce the heat to medium and throw in your bacon and pine nuts. Get those tossed around nicely then throw in your chard, spinach and the olives. Once the greens are wilted squeeze your lemon juice on them, toss well and remove from the burner.

Your mushroom caps should be done by now, so plate them and divide your greens between the two. Sprinkle on a bit of Bleu cheese to top them off.

For a different taste you can place some freshly shredded Parmesan cheese on the mushrooms before you cook them or, for a nice English touch, get some Stilton cheese and do the same. Enjoy!

One stuffed 'shroom cap!